Picture courtesy of Ivan Samkov
Regrets: (I Have Had a Few): There is nothing wrong with regretting something, a missed chance, a wrong word or failing to do something we later wish hadn’t or a missed opportunity to say goodbye.
As a species we can feel fallible at times particularly in stressful moments or times of grief.
There is no wrong in not feeling perfect and having moments when we are prone to feelings of failure for, we all deal with aspects of our individual lives in different ways. There is no secret guidebook that shows us how we should behave for we all react to things in many ways depending upon the circumstance that we are placed in at any given time or day.
We should not be defined by our mistakes nor allow them to overtake our thoughts and behaviours.
We should, however, allow them to empower us to seek understanding as to why something has happened or why we have reacted a certain way, be it out of character or not, and rebuild from them a better, stronger self.
Ruined buildings do not just show us the past but what we need to rebuild.
Regrets.
Do not let regret overtake us. Rather it should show us that new life can be built to replace the old. Where we see broken windows and fallen bricks – think more about what we will be able to replace it with. Let our imagination run wild and not allow negativity reign over us.
Unfortunately, we are not always strong enough to fight these thoughts or feelings alone and that is why it is beneficial that we seek guidance and help from others when all else appears to be lost.
I for many years regretted not buying my father a Christmas present as he was in hospital just before Christmas. I kept telling myself I will buy him something when he is out of hospital. Sadly, he passed away on Christmas day that year. I regretted that simple act for far too long.
I would think about it every Christmas for way longer than I should have. I think for me it was a bit of a release valve for I would get upset and cry thinking about it. It was only after sharing my feelings did, I learn to accept it and see it for what it truly was.
Regrets.
My actions were not through malice I just didn’t want to bring something into hospital for it to be damaged or lost. I was trying to be pragmatic by not having something sitting around the house either. A simple act that caused me annual regret until I spoke to another person which helped to re-shape my thought process.
As you can see overtime, I realised it was in many ways part of my grieving process and once I realised this through the help of others, I no longer carried that thought like the hairshirt it used to be for me.
I understand it is not always easy to open up to others or to find someone in your friends/family group to share your thoughts with. We do not all have the luxury of such things but it doesn’t mean we cannot open up to a professional or someone beyond your immediate family etc if and when you see fit to do so.
Gregory Quinn Brennan 23/07/2025